Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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