the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
