I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
