Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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