So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
