I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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