there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
