this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
