Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
