He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
