Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize