I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
