Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
