i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
