I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
