We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
