rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
