I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
