I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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