Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
