when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
