seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
