The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
