Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
