oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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