uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
