for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drake has all the answers
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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