I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize