Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Send help, water and tortillas.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
