Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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