if you like me you must not know who I am
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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