Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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