This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
