here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
