What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did I show you my penis last night?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
