Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
