I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
