Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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