Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
