She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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