had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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