I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
