On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
