youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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