I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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