Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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