The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
