We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
