How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you had me at cake vodka
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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