Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize