Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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