Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
