they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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