i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
