so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
