If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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