dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
