oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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