I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
