I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
