look no pants
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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