I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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