dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
